In a move that has left even their most ardent supporters scratching their heads, the Democratic Party has proposed a bill that, if passed, would seek to alter the Earth’s orbit around the Sun. The bill, introduced by Senator Al Gore (D-TN), claims that by altering the Earth’s orbit, the planet can be moved closer to the Sun, thus reducing its distance from the Sun by 10%.
Senator Gore, a self-proclaimed expert in all things climate-related, believes that this change in the Earth’s orbit will have numerous benefits for the planet, including reducing the need for fossil fuels, lowering carbon emissions, and even creating more jobs in the renewable energy sector.
“By moving the Earth closer to the Sun, we can take advantage of the increased solar radiation and use it to power our homes, businesses, and even our vehicles,” said Senator Gore during a press conference held earlier this week. “This is a win-win situation for everyone.”
However, critics of the bill argue that such a drastic change in the Earth’s orbit could have disastrous consequences. Some experts believe that moving the Earth closer to the Sun could lead to increased volcanic activity, stronger hurricanes, and even the melting of the polar ice caps.
“The Earth’s orbit has been stable for billions of years,” said Dr. Richard Branson (D-NY), a renowned climatologist and outspoken supporter of the bill. “Changing it now could have catastrophic effects on our planet.”
Despite these concerns, the bill has already gained significant support among Democrats in Congress. Many believe that it is time for the United States to take a leading role in addressing climate change and that this bill is just the first step towards achieving that goal.
“We need to be bold and ambitious if we want to save our planet,” said Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), a prominent advocate for the bill. “This is a historic opportunity to make a real difference.”
The bill is expected to be voted on by the House of Representatives in the coming weeks. If passed, the Senate Intelligence Committee have vowed to have AOC and Gore removed from their positions pending mental health evaluations. Neither could be reached for comment, but their assistant informed us they had a fundraiser today called Homeless American Donations For Migrants. Another asinine program that consists of tricking the American homeless into donating their clothing and other belongings in exchange for cocaine, imported(smuggled) beer from Mexico, and Temu products from China. All the proceeds from our nation’s homeless are generously distributed to “Asylum Seekers” and Chinese military members who are here for basic training including target practice and foreign undercover sleeper cell integration. When asked about the national security threat concerning these illegal immigrants, Joe Biden responded with the following statement shortly before falling asleep at the podium:
“Who? *inaudible murmuring* Oh, the Chinese? When I was growing up I never had the same opportunity that my father would sit up in bed stressing about when the presidency in which the time I got into office we had slashed the national debt by 13 trillion. *inaudible murmuring* China had nothing to do with that my first time and I’ll be damned if I ever ate there again. Sleeper cells or national threat aside, every human in america should have the right to be an american *inaudible murmuring* and have dreams of sustainable energy. Besides that, I never took the documents, that was staff, next question.”
Joe Biden 2024
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