Dementia in the White House? Think Again: Joe Biden’s Brain Hacked by China! Trump Blamed.
Which turns political theater into a shocking turn such that even Hollywood could not script without a few lines of cocaine, into reports that now have it that President Joe Biden’s occasional gaffes are not the result of age-related cognitive decline but rather a complex brain-hacking operation spearheaded by none other than China. As if that’s not juicy enough, Trump’s legions of fans are blaming him for it.
But it first surfaced after Biden referred to Xi Jinping as “that fellow with the cute dimples.” Well, the conspiracy theorists hopped faster than frogs in a dynamite pond. This was claimed to be irrefutable proof that Biden’s noggin is under new management, of the Chinese Communist Party IT department kind.
It was done through Biden’s earpiece, he said, by unidentified sources said to apparently spend far too much time on internet rabbit holes. One of them reportedly uses a mix of 5G and old-fashioned voodoo in order to transmit commands, which explains Biden’s occasional mix-ups, like that time when he called Kamala Harris “president” or asked reporters if they wanted a sandwich mid-press conference.
Meanwhile, poor former President Donald Trump has been dragged into the mess. Trump supporters are now collectively advancing the theory that Trump warned the world of the brain-hacking menace during his presidency but was too busy fighting Twitter wars to complete the design of his anti-mind-control device. The president himself has even chimed in, recently remarking at a rally: “If I was president, folks, believe me, no one would dare hack my brain. It’s the best brain, fortified, tremendous mental strength. They only go after Sleepy Joe because they know he’s got a soft firewall.”
Critics argue that Biden’s being remotely controlled by the Chinese is as likely as the fact that Trump would reveal his tax returns out of his own volition. Not that this stopped memes, TikTok dances, and a rather catchy country song called “Don’t Hack My Brain, I Need It to Complain.”
With the 2024 election approaching rapidly, people could only wonder if the real threat is foreign intervention or just another day in this domestic circus. One thing that everyone can agree on is that modern politics is less about policy and more about whose team of IT professionals is superior.
Insiders say the WiFi password has been changed just in case, but otherwise, the White House has yet to respond officially to these allegations.
